Is it Really This Hard?
by World of Make Believe
Summary: Just a one-shot thing for Muskedfur, one of my characters in Stars of Glory. I'd recommend you read that before you read this, this contains a lot of spoilers!


**So I decided to come up with a one-shot featuring everyone's favorite cat, Muskedfur! This is for the fact that I've been on fanfiction for almost a year now. Please leave a review if you liked it, and if you didn't, just ignore it :D**

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Was it really that obvious to state that I was in love? Yes, I hid it well from her, but it was getting more and more difficult. And as the days would go my, I would smell her scent from far away, or maybe even imagine her hunting through the forest in search for me.

Then again, she had a lot of responsibilities. She was only an apprentice, but she was already acting like a brave warrior. And I was a warrior. I might have been a young warrior, but I was still one. I kept telling myself this over and over again. But each time, it would get even harder for me to control the urge to just walk over to her and announce my feelings.

On the day she was made a warrior, I had made a promise. I promised that I would do everything I could to make her happy, even if that meant keeping myself hidden. I could see from the way she looked at Rainshower that she had feelings for him. And he had feelings for her, but not in the way she did. After all, he was little more then a medicine cat apprentice then. It was forbidden for medicine cats to fall in love. At least Rainshower was smart enough to learn from Leafpool's mistake.

I remembered the day she had returned to the Clan. Lionblaze had crouched before her, and her eyes had been wide with fear and grief. She had pleaded to him to forgive her, and he refused. He lunged at her throat, and killed her.

It was then that I told myself I would never be a cold blooded monster like Hollystar's father. I would never be like her either. She seemed to not even notice the way I flounced around her, like I was a lost kit.

And yet, that one night we spent together. Oh, it was the most wonderful night of my life. I could still remember her sleek black pelt, those beautiful glowing green eyes. Everything about her seemed different from then on.

"I love you," I had told her that night.

Her eyes grew as round as the moon, and she let out a soft purr, a sound that had surprised me. "I love you too," she murmured.

As we sat there in the cool, dew soaked grass, I knew from then on that we would be together, forever. I twined my tail with hers, and she looked into my eyes in a loving way. We both sat there, all night. It was a night that we would never forget.

And than, the battle happened. Hollystar had been heavy with our kits, and I knew that it would be foolish for her to join the fray. But she had sworn to stop ShadowClan from crossing the border, and so, I stopped arguing with her. She received terrible battle wounds; wounds that terrified me. I had thought she was going to die.

"You shouldn't have let her come!" Rainshower hissed in my face. His yellow eyes blazed with fury, a fury that woke within me.

I glared back at him, feeling like a helpless apprentice during a Gathering. "She would have gone anyways," I snapped, suddenly feeling ashamed of myself for blaming her. "It's not like I wanted her to go."

Rainshower just shook his head and stalked back to Hollystar's side. I could do nothing. I couldn't even bare to look at her wounds. They would leave a scar on her belly, where her kits had been alive. And, I was worried that her kits were dead.

But two moons later, she made a full recovery. And she had two beautiful healthy kits, named Pepperkit and Silverkit. Pepperkit was more like her mother, while Silverkit was more like Cinderheart in more ways than one. I was so ready to be a father, but then, I got an apprentice.

Molepelt was really a great apprentice. But he had taken up so much of my time, that I nearly forgot about Hollystar and my kits. Until that fatal day that she reminded me. She had spat in my face and said that if I weren't ready to be a proper father, then Pepperkit and Silverkit weren't my kits. I sensed the shock that spread across my face as she left, but I said nothing. I did nothing. Molepelt had taken over part of my life, and it was consumed with time. I felt helpless, once more.

And yet, she came to forgive me. Even after we argued a bit, we still stuck to each others side, unlike Spiderleg and Daisy. Daisy had left the Clan long before Hollystar was even born, because she could not find a proper mate in ThunderClan. It was strange to see how awkward Spiderleg was towards Rosefoot and Toadfur. He would often jump at the sound of their voices, or stalk past them like they didn't even exist. It was as though he had never fathered them, and they were just cats from StarClan.

Eventually, Hollystar became the deputy. I was so proud of her, and so were Pepperpaw and Silverpaw. And suddenly, we were swept into battle with Snakeclaw, the cat who had turned everyone against each other. Even I had doubted his loyalty when he was first an apprentice. He always had this strange piercing stare that made my pelt crawl. And then he was constantly glaring at Hollystar, which made me furious.

We fought as hard as we could, but Snakeclaw had brought with him a band of rogues who were much stronger then us. I thought that we were all going to die, under the claws of traitors. But, something happened that day. I was the first cat who saw them coming. Falcons had come, and Hollystar herself had called them to help us. They swooped in from nowhere and attacked the rogues, who had been blinded with blood lust. Now, they clawed the air helplessly like kits, and the battle evened.

I watched with horror as Hollystar attacked Snakeclaw. He had been watching the scene unfold right before his eyes; he didn't do a thing to help the rogues or the cats who chose to follow him. Instead, he just sat there like he was the ruler of everything. Of course, that all ended when Hollystar leaped for his throat. Snakeclaw didn't see it coming, and he landed into the lake with a tremendous splash. My eyes were as wide as the moon when I desperately searched for her.

Shellspots, her friend and a RiverClan warrior, found her first. I helped her drag Hollystar's body out of the water, though I could see to my relief that she was still alive. Her pelt may have been soaked and heavy with water, but her heart looked like it had soared through the clouds.

"Bramblestar is dead," Cinderheart had meowed. Hollystar's eyes had darkened with sorrow, but she immediately lifted her chin and looked around at the ragged looking group of ThunderClan warriors, me included. I could feel the nasty scratches sting my legs, but it had been well worth it in the end. Snakeclaw was defeated, and Hollystar would now have been the leader. It was as if StarClan themselves chose this for her.

When we returned to camp, I rested my head on my paws. I wanted desperately to spend a night with Hollystar once more, but now that she was leader, she had even bigger responsibilities. I was still part of her life, yes, but...it just didn't feel the same. It wasn't like this when we were young warriors, in love and foolish. Is it really this hard to fall in love with a leader? I imagined what it was like for Sandstorm and Firestar. They had fallen in love, and had kits. They had accepted their responsibilities without question, and look where it got them.

All I know is, I love you Hollystar. I loved you even when I was that annoying apprentice who always thought I was better than anyone else. I will always love you, no matter what. We are one together. Our kits, are lives, they are now entwined together. And I will never forget you, for what you've done for the Clans.


End file.
